The Twelve Days of Clitmas: 9th Day
Look, we can’t deny the Boris-faced, virus-infested elephant in the room that this year hasn’t been great. But in the spirit of holiday cheer, I thought I would offer a bit of light relief from all of that by giving you a carefully crafted selection of holiday gifts. Yes, that’s right, I am joining the canon of Destiny’s Child, The Muppets and carol singers far and wide to give you my take on the Twelve Days of Christmas; the aptly named Twelve Days of Clitmas. For the last few weeks, I have been gathering nuggets of both wisdom and fun from many wonderful people, which I (your true love) will give to you (our Clitbait readers) as festive treats for the next twelve days. From holiday recipes, to wild swimming spots, to tips for a more pleasurable sex life, I hope there will be something in this for everyone! So, get the chestnuts roasting as I pop these gifts under the metaphorical tree and let’s end the year with a smile.
On the ninth day of Clitmas my true love sent to me…
Nine ways of dancing:
The parties are over and our bellies are full. The last trickle of wine sits sadly in the bottle and the bubble and squeak, well, bubbles… and squeaks in the pan. But this is no excuse to become a stiff Richard! No, there is plenty more festive joy to share before we all return to the daily grind. If you can find it in you to put on your dancing shoes just one more time, your treat today is nine dance moves inspired by the festive season to keep the party going until the bitter end. If dancing is not your thing, not to worry, simply see this as a list of (if I may say so myself…) fantastic puns to inspire a holiday giggle.
Two-step into Christmas
Shake your Chris Rear
Take a trip in your sleigh-sleigh
Wiggle your mistle-toes
Do the Mariah Carefree
Or perhaps, the Michael boob-sway…
Twist and Sprout
Strike a Pogues
Stop … Ham time
Beth Simpson, Society and Community Editor
Groovy illustrations also by the lovely Beth!