The Twelve Days of Clitmas: 5th Day
Look, we can’t deny the Boris-faced, virus-infested elephant in the room that this year hasn’t been great. But in the spirit of holiday cheer, I thought I would offer a bit of light relief from all of that by giving you a carefully crafted selection of holiday gifts. Yes, that’s right, I am joining the canon of Destiny’s Child, The Muppets and carol singers far and wide to give you my take on the Twelve Days of Christmas; the aptly named Twelve Days of Clitmas. For the last few weeks, I have been gathering nuggets of both wisdom and fun from many wonderful people, which I (your true love) will give to you (our Clitbait readers) as festive treats for the next twelve days. From holiday recipes, to wild swimming spots, to tips for a more pleasurable sex life, I hope there will be something in this for everyone! So, get the chestnuts roasting as I pop these gifts under the metaphorical tree and let’s end the year with a smile.
On the fifth day of Clitmas my true love sent to me…
Five pleasurable rings:
Let’s be honest, the majority of us are not in a position to treat ourselves to five golden rings this Christmas… What, with the economy failing and all. And for those who are, I fear golden rings shops will be more than likely placed on the ‘non-essential shopping list’. But to that I say, GOLDEN SHMOLDEN. For your fifth gift of Clitmas, here are five ways to get pleasure this festive season by engaging in non-elitist activities that centre around an almighty ring! Shout out to my good pal Victor who helped me think outside the box with this one, incorporating VERBS THAT INCLUDE THE WORD RING. Genius.
- Escape the lockdown and enter a world of fantasy by reading Lord of the Rings
- Take a trip down memory lane and eat some Party Rings (and by eat, I mean stick your tongue in the middle and pull a funny face)
- Explore the pleasurable possibilities of a vibrating ring
- Give an old friend or distant family member a ring on the phone
- Get into the festive spirit by practicing some good old-fashioned sharing and caring
Beth Simpson, Society and Community Editor
Images by Beth!